“Only We’re Allowed Spy On People” Google Tells Huawei

TECH giant Google has announced it will be barring Huawei from updates to its Android operating system as the Chinese smartphone maker is accused of doing exactly what Google already does – harvesting peoples information. The move comes after the Trump administration added Huawei to a list of companies that American firms cannot trade with, citing a… … Continue reading ““Only We’re Allowed Spy On People” Google Tells Huawei”

US Focuses Attention On Iran As Venezuela Having None Of Its Old Bullshit

US President Donald Trump has turned the nation’s attention to the middle east once again following a failed coup in Venezuela and a massive war itch to scratch, WWN can confirm. Issuing a warning from America’s now official announcement platform, Twitter, Trump wrote the following words, all by himself: “If Iran wants to fight, that will be the official… … Continue reading “US Focuses Attention On Iran As Venezuela Having None Of Its Old Bullshit”

Everything Game Of Thrones Needs To Accomplish In The Finalé

WELL, we’re finally here. The 73rd and last episode of Game Of Thrones airs this Sunday on HBO, and it has some work to do if it wants to keep the fans happy. With the majority of people expressing dissatisfaction with how season 8 has neglected to give satisfactory conclusions to several beloved characters and… … Continue reading “Everything Game Of Thrones Needs To Accomplish In The Finalé”

Kylie Jenner Launches New Range Of Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles

MEDIUM-to-long range ballistic missile enthusiasts took to the internet in their thousands this week to comment on Kylie Jenner’s latest line of ICBM strategic nuclear warhead delivery systems, announced in one of the star’s Instagram posts. Capable of carrying multiple independent reentry vehicles with a combined payload of some 500,000 megatons, Jenner’s weapons of war… … Continue reading “Kylie Jenner Launches New Range Of Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles”

5 Questions For Any Politician That Knocks On Your Door

IT’S election time, which means you’re about to get a knock on the front door from a local political wannabe, espousing their virtues and attempting to win over your precious #1 vote. But before you nod along with their policies (or indeed chase them from your doorstep), here’s 5 questions that you should put to… … Continue reading “5 Questions For Any Politician That Knocks On Your Door”

Woman Posts Old Holiday Pic To Make It Look Like 2019 Going Well

OVERLY CONSCIOUS of the fact that she hasn’t exactly been setting the world alight so far in 2019, one Waterford woman has posted an old holiday picture in a bid to project the appearance of someone really excelling in life. Louise McNeill uploaded a picture of herself poolside with cocktail in hand from her 2018… … Continue reading “Woman Posts Old Holiday Pic To Make It Look Like 2019 Going Well”

Waterford Family Finally Finish Bar Of Sunlight Soap

THE Carrohan family from Tramore, Waterford, are having a bittersweet send-off ceremony today for the yellow bar of Sunlight soap that has been sitting on the windowsill in the kitchen for nearly three decades. Patriarch of the family William Carrohan inherited the intense bar of semi-immortal soap from his mother’s house after she passed away in… … Continue reading “Waterford Family Finally Finish Bar Of Sunlight Soap”

Increase In Rivalling Canvassers Fighting To The Death

OVER 47 canvassers have been killed in the last two weeks following a spate of death matches between rivalling parties and independents as the local and European elections loom ever closer. Desperate to secure number one votes for their preferred politicians, volunteering canvassers have now become the most dangerous job in the country, with gardaí… … Continue reading “Increase In Rivalling Canvassers Fighting To The Death”

Government Consults With Stormy Daniels On Trump Coming

HOPING to quell public outrage at the upcoming visitation to Ireland by US President Donald J. Trump, the Irish government has reached out to former Trump mistress Stormy Daniels for tips on how to endure having ‘the Donald’ in you. Former adult actress Daniels famously exposed her affair with the then-reality TV mogul and the… … Continue reading “Government Consults With Stormy Daniels On Trump Coming”

Grown Woman Still Calls Them ‘Horsies’

The woman, whose current age stands in stark contrast to her insistence in calling horses ‘horsies’, remains unrepentent in her use of the excitable, childlike term. Clare Herrity (25) blurted the word ‘horsies’ out at the exact moment she spotted several horses in a field while on a walk with friends this weekend, and in… … Continue reading “Grown Woman Still Calls Them ‘Horsies’”

Nation Pretty Excited To Have Its Own Corrupt Superintendent, Just Like TV

FOLLOWING raids on a number of premises in Munster this morning where three gardaí were arrested in relation to criminal activities, the nation has welcomed the news, likening it to one of those gritty crime dramas on TV and putting Ireland on the police corruption map. Shadowing lesser boring corruption charges like, wiping penalty points, falsifying… … Continue reading “Nation Pretty Excited To Have Its Own Corrupt Superintendent, Just Like TV”

Instagram’s New Mental Health Campaign Sees App Deleted From Users Phones

IN THE BEST example yet of a tech company taking the lead on reducing the potential harm social media apps can inflict on people’s self-esteem and mental health, photo dominant app Instagram has announced a new Mental Health Awareness Initiative which involves deleting the app from every user’s phone. “We’re serious about mental health which… … Continue reading “Instagram’s New Mental Health Campaign Sees App Deleted From Users Phones”

“Payback Time, Fuckers” Irish Public Tell Insurers Accused Of Running Cartel

THE IRISH insurance buying public has called on people not to rush to judgement after learning of the news that the European Commission has opened a formal investigation into Insurance Ireland’s data pooling system which may have made it possible for insurance companies to operate a cartel, illegally ripping off customers in the process. “Payback… … Continue reading ““Payback Time, Fuckers” Irish Public Tell Insurers Accused Of Running Cartel”

Man Caught With 27,000 Cigarettes Forced To Smoke Each One

CUSTOMS officers and Gardaí are today watching over a man caught with 27,000 contraband cigarettes while he smokes every single one of them, in a bid to teach him a lesson about the dangers of smuggling. “If he wanted to bring the fags into the country so much, then it’s only right he smokes them”… … Continue reading “Man Caught With 27,000 Cigarettes Forced To Smoke Each One”

POLL: Should Free Speech Be Taxed?

WHILE our glorious leader and Taoiseach Leo Varadkar parades around Paris with world leaders in a bid to tackle the world’s ‘biggest problem’, hate speech, WWN poses the question: should we now consider taxing free speech? For hundreds of thousands of years, speech has been widely used by humanity relatively tax free and has allowed our race to… … Continue reading “POLL: Should Free Speech Be Taxed?”

Britain To Get Back Onto Brexit As Soon As Game Of Thrones Is Over

THERESA May has confirmed that her government will get back into the ‘heavy lifting’ of Brexit once all distractions are out of the way, specifically next week’s Game Of Thrones series finale. Draft legislation that would allow the stalled Brexit process to continue is expected to be revealed at the start of June, once ministers… … Continue reading “Britain To Get Back Onto Brexit As Soon As Game Of Thrones Is Over”

The Eurovision Entries That Make Israeli Slaughter Of Palestinians Worth It

WWN ENTERTAINMENT is your one stop shop for all things Eurovision and we’re hear to tell you if you were about to feel in anyway conflicted about watching the joyously kitsch camp-fest because Israel’s crimes in Palestine we’re here to say worry no more. Innocent Palestinian women and children being murdered, bombed, maimed or whatever… … Continue reading “The Eurovision Entries That Make Israeli Slaughter Of Palestinians Worth It”

Missing The Jeremy Kyle Show? Here’s 5 Other Ways To Sneer At People

THE Jeremy Kyle Show was a lot of things to a lot of people. It was an easily-produced, inexpensive piece of television that drew large audiences. It was an easy way to feel good about yourself by sneering at the participants, a smorgasbord of usually working class people, offered the chance to be on TV in… … Continue reading “Missing The Jeremy Kyle Show? Here’s 5 Other Ways To Sneer At People”

Government Rings 1850 National Broadband Plan Number For Answers

MINISTER for Communications Richard Bruton has asked the company set to receive the contract for the National Broadband Plan, Granahan McCourt, to elaborate on their plans to connect over a half a million Irish homes with fibre power broadband. WWN has the full transcript of the call below. NBP Line: Hello, and welcome to Granahan McCourt’s National Broadband Plan… … Continue reading “Government Rings 1850 National Broadband Plan Number For Answers”

Lads WhatsApp Group Holds Off On Racist, Sexist Jokes Until App Secure Again

VARIOUS circles of friends, made up of affable lads who love the banter and can take a joke, have been in crisis mode following the news that WhatsApp, their go-to app for sharing all the racist and sexists jokes that would get them fired if they were on Twitter, has been hacked and the promise… … Continue reading “Lads WhatsApp Group Holds Off On Racist, Sexist Jokes Until App Secure Again”

Local Man Thought Doris Day Was Already Dead

A LOCAL Waterford man greeted the news that screen icon Doris Day had passed away aged 97 with the observation that he had presumed she has died many years previous, sparking calls for living celebrities to do more to make him aware of the fact they are alive. Andrew Brehon (32) admitted to being surprised… … Continue reading “Local Man Thought Doris Day Was Already Dead”

Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 8 Episode 5

WWN’s official sister site, Game of ThroWWNes, has over 470 hours worth of new videos, quizzes, podcasts, make up tutorials, recipes and articles each day, because if the world’s biggest TV show needs one thing it’s dedicated content and episode recaps from an online Irish publication: The first portion of the penultimate episode of this… … Continue reading “Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 8 Episode 5”

Car AND Driver To Be Seized Under New Learner Permit Crackdown ​

FOLLOWING on from a successful campaign to deter learner drivers from driving unaccompanied, Gardaí announced they will also seize the drivers themselves from June 1st this year. So far, seven cars a day have been seized by gardaí from unaccompanied learner drivers since December 21 under the Clancy Amendment, which will now equate to an average of 7 drivers a day from next month…. … Continue reading “Car AND Driver To Be Seized Under New Learner Permit Crackdown ​”

Should Ireland Really Be Banning Homophobic Bigots?

SO-CALLED Minister for ‘Justice’ Charlie Flanagan signed an exclusion order today banning homophobic US pastor Steven Anderson from entering Ireland, adding Ireland to the list of 26 other Schengen area EU countries who will not permit the man from touching down on their soil. Anderson, who was set to give a public lecture at the… … Continue reading “Should Ireland Really Be Banning Homophobic Bigots?”

The Premier League’s Winners & Losers Of The Season

SUNDAY brought an end to yet another thrilling edition of the Premier League with Manchester City winning the league. WWN Sports casts an eye over the season’s big winners and big losers. Winners – City Well, because, they won. That’s how this thing works. ‘Winners’ – Liverpool This year represents the first ever year the… … Continue reading “The Premier League’s Winners & Losers Of The Season”

Converting Your Attic Into 19 Apartments, A Guide

HEY! You! Do you own a house? Would you like to make an incredible amount of money in a short period of time? Then converting your property into rental accommodation might be the thing for you! With rent doing nothing but soaring and supply dwindling, it’s up to people like you to help out by… … Continue reading “Converting Your Attic Into 19 Apartments, A Guide”

In Memoriam: Local Man’s Headphones

IT is with the utmost sadness that we bring you the news that Waterford man Dave Owens has had to say farewell to his beloved set of earphones after four years of loyal service. Owens made a grief-stricken statement late last night on the bus home, when his trusted pair of white-cabled in-the-ear headphones finally succumbed… … Continue reading “In Memoriam: Local Man’s Headphones”

Aren’t We Great Declaring A Climate Emergency

THE Irish public has been left exchanging admiring glances with one another and remarking “would you stop, never mind how great I am. Sure look at yourself didn’t I see you use one of those paper straws in Supermacs the other day’ in the aftermath of the news Ireland has declared a ‘climate emergency’. Becoming… … Continue reading “Aren’t We Great Declaring A Climate Emergency”

Peter Casey Pledges To Rid Ireland Of Spanish Students If Elected

EUROPEAN parliament hopeful Peter Casey has hit back at claims that his entire campaign is based on pandering to racists and bigots, during a press conference where he also stated that if elected, he would end the student exchange programme that see’s Ireland ‘overrun with fucking Spanish kids for half the year’. Casey, who came to… … Continue reading “Peter Casey Pledges To Rid Ireland Of Spanish Students If Elected”

Fianna Fáil So Outraged By Broadband Plan They Will Carry On Supporting Government

THE UNYIELDING condemnation and outrage felt by Fianna Fáil over Fine Gael’s controversial and dubious awarding of the National Broadband Plan contract is said to be so severe, so iridescent that Michael Martin will continue to back the government no matter what. “Grrr, I’m so angry,” Martin faux-raged at a perfectly reasonable volume while giving… … Continue reading “Fianna Fáil So Outraged By Broadband Plan They Will Carry On Supporting Government”

Rescuers Attempt To Free Trapped Gemma O’Doherty Down Rabbit Hole

RESCUE services in Dublin were called to an undisclosed location this afternoon in a attempt to free a European Election candidate who is believed to have become trapped down a very deep rabbit hole, WWN can confirm. Anti-Corruption Ireland founder Gemma O’Doherty reportedly fell down the dangerous rabbit hole following a Presidential bid last year, before eventually slipping… … Continue reading “Rescuers Attempt To Free Trapped Gemma O’Doherty Down Rabbit Hole”

Insurance Company Still A Pack Of Pricks Despite Shiny New TV Ad

REPLICATING a formula used by 98% of current Irish ads, a local insurance company has unveiled a TV advertisement which pulls at the heart strings but in no way changes their status as a pack of pricks just looking to make a quick buck at the expense of the public. Set to stirring music with… … Continue reading “Insurance Company Still A Pack Of Pricks Despite Shiny New TV Ad”

New Gardaí Anti-Corruption Unit To Be Run By Superintendent Hastings

GARDA COMMISSIONER Drew Harris has announced Superintendent Ted Hastings as the head of the newly announced anti-corruption unit being established in An Garda Síochána to investigate members of the force. An outside hire, Hastings previously headed up the highly regarded AC-12 unit of London’s Metropolitan Police Force which has rooted out corruption at the highest… … Continue reading “New Gardaí Anti-Corruption Unit To Be Run By Superintendent Hastings”

Denis O’Brien’s Involvement In Broadband Plan Probably Nothing To Worry About

THE general population of Ireland has been advised to simply carry on with its day and not worry about the government part-awarding 5 billion euros of your money for a national broadband contract to a company owned by Fine Gael friend and businessman Denis O’Brien. Mr. O’Brien, who was found by the Moriarty tribunal to have illegally paid former… … Continue reading “Denis O’Brien’s Involvement In Broadband Plan Probably Nothing To Worry About”

Opinion: Slimmer People Should Pay Less Rent

WITH ‘co-living’ set to become the answer to Ireland’s supply-starved rental market, should everyone pay the same amount for a shared living space if there are certain people, and we’re not talking about Andrew now, but certain people who are way, way bigger than the rest of us? As developers seek permission to build ‘shared space living centers’… … Continue reading “Opinion: Slimmer People Should Pay Less Rent”

Champion’s League Writer Hired To Script Final Game Of Thrones Episodes

AFTER penning the compelling twists and turns of this season’s Champion’s League, the writer of the football epic has been parachuted in at the last minute to rewrite HBO’s Game of Thrones final outings. Heart-stopping and ingenious outcomes no one saw coming in the Liverpool v Barcelona and Ajax v Spurs episodes have landed largely… … Continue reading “Champion’s League Writer Hired To Script Final Game Of Thrones Episodes”

9 Wildlife Fashion Faux Pas

HUMANS are by far the most advanced life forms on planet earth due to their ability to think for themselves on a conscious level while being able create magnificent things like buildings, machinery and designing some of the most beautiful handcrafted garments in the world. Due to no fault of their own, wild animals have recently… … Continue reading “9 Wildlife Fashion Faux Pas”

Guide To Passing Your Backseat Driver’s Test

FOLLOWING legislation stating that all backseat drivers should hold a full backseat driving license when traveling as a passenger in someone else’s car, waiting lines at backseat driving test centres around the country have quadrupled in length. To make sure you pass your backseat drivers test the first time around, be sure to prepare ahead of time…. … Continue reading “Guide To Passing Your Backseat Driver’s Test”

Fine Gael Unveil €3bn National Broadband Plan As Their Next Fuck Up

AFTER careful consideration the Fine Gael barely led government have announced the €3 billion National Broadband Plan will join Irish Water and the National Children’s Hospital in a long line of monumental fuck ups which cost the taxpayer dearly. “Honestly, hats off to Fine Gael this could be their Sistine Chapel of fuck ups,” confirmed… … Continue reading “Fine Gael Unveil €3bn National Broadband Plan As Their Next Fuck Up”

Liverpool Use FIFA19 Cheat Codes To Advance To Champion’s League Final

THE football world set about trying to fully process what Liverpool has just achieved, pouring over the game’s finer details and surmising the only way it would have been possible to overturn a 3-0 first leg deficit against Barcelona would be by utilising every last FIFA19 cheat code and secret that exists. “Point to where… … Continue reading “Liverpool Use FIFA19 Cheat Codes To Advance To Champion’s League Final”

Take Our Quiz & We’ll Match You With Your Perfect Local Election Candidate

THE DATE of the local elections are closing in fast (May 24th) and like a large portion of the public you may be struggling to keep track of all the upstanding members of the public putting themselves forward, vying for your vote. Not sure if your vote should go to the man on the poster… … Continue reading “Take Our Quiz & We’ll Match You With Your Perfect Local Election Candidate”

Everything We Know About The Royal Baby So Far

IT’S here! It’s here! The baby that Deirdre in accounts is more invested in than her own children; it’s the first child of Meghan Markle and Harry Royal Family Prince Man. For all your royal birth canal purusing needs WWN has gathered everything we know about Royal Bambino so far in this guide more easy… … Continue reading “Everything We Know About The Royal Baby So Far”

Saoirse Ronan Booted From Met Gala After Discovery Of Naggin In Handbag

FAMOUS Irish movie star Saoirse Ronan has been ejected from the after party of the 2019 Met Gala, after staff discovered that the Carlow native was topping up her drink with several concealed naggins of Huzzar vodka. Ronan, famous for her roles in Brooklyn and Mary, Queen Of Scots, raised the suspicions of bar staff… … Continue reading “Saoirse Ronan Booted From Met Gala After Discovery Of Naggin In Handbag”

Last Ever Palestinian Killed Overnight

THE United Nations has confirmed the death of the last known living Palestinian in Gaza yesterday evening following an Israeli airstrike which obliterated their home, leaving the once sovereign state now extinct and erased from existence. The remains of 23-year-old Jamal Hasan al-Louh was found by Israeli construction workers who were already busy removing the rubble to make way… … Continue reading “Last Ever Palestinian Killed Overnight”

5 Musts When Writing Your First Book

SO, you’ve finally decided that the world simply cannot go on any longer without you four-part science-fiction romance epic set in a dystopian near future, kind of a steampunk Othello with shades of The Hobbit, part hunger Games, part Fifty Shades, all awesome. That’s great. A Pulitzer awaits. But first, you have to write the… … Continue reading “5 Musts When Writing Your First Book”

“Say Yes To The Address”; We Review RTÉ’s New Homelessness Reality Show

WWN have had a sneak peak at RTÉ’s upcoming reality TV series ‘Say Yes To The Address’, and if you enjoy seeing displaced families in emergency accommodation being pressurised into accepting unsuitable houses in unsafe areas by the Department of Housing and local authorities, then this may be the show for you. Each week we’re introduced to… … Continue reading ““Say Yes To The Address”; We Review RTÉ’s New Homelessness Reality Show”

Fowler & Rush Surprise Inclusions In Liverpool Team V Barcelona

JURGEN KLOPP’S injury ravaged Liverpool side will have a retro look for their second leg Champion’s League tie against Barcelona tonight after the German announced the surprise inclusion of prolific strikers Robbie Fowler and Ian Rush. Trying to put Vincent Kompany’s 85-yard, 142mph wonder goal against Leicester to the back of their minds, the new… … Continue reading “Fowler & Rush Surprise Inclusions In Liverpool Team V Barcelona”

Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 8, Episode 4

WWN’s official sister site, Game of ThroWWNes, has over 470 hours worth of new videos, quizzes, podcasts, make up tutorials, recipes and articles each day, because if the world’s biggest TV show needs one thing it’s dedicated content and episode recaps from an online Irish publication: With TV viewers barely recovered from the epic battle… … Continue reading “Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 8, Episode 4”

Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing To Be Final Song On Game Of Thrones

AHEAD of the airing of the final few episodes of HBO’s landmark Game Of Thrones series, the creators behind the beloved show revealed that the show’s final song will be ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ the signature tune from 1970s San Francisco rocker’s Journey. However, the minds behind bringing George R. R. Martin’s fantasy epic to television… … Continue reading “Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing To Be Final Song On Game Of Thrones”