Jared Offers Sanders Campaign His Peace Plan

Presidential special advisor and cut-price WestWorld robot, Jared Kushner, has offered the Bernie Sanders campaign a copy of his latest peace plan in case the ‘Democrat’ wins power. Mr. Kushner was encouraged to ‘hedge his bets’ upon realizing the document would only need minor changes to make it palatable to Senator Sanders.
A spokesman for the third most lifelike member of the Trump inner circle commented, “It turns out to be surprisingly easy to adapt the plan. We just needed to change every mention of ‘Israel’ or ‘Israeli’ to ‘Palestine’ and ‘Palestinian’. There’s really no need for nuance or compromise when you’re happy to just give one bunch of extreme crazies everything they’ve ever asked for with a massive Jerusalem-shaped cherry on top. I guess some Jews will be annoyed to find themselves driven onto rafts just off the coast of Cyprus. But hey those are the sacrifices we have to make if we’re going to achieve a long-term solution.”
The Sanders campaign has reacted cautiously to the Kushner approach. A representative stated, “We’re really concentrating on achieving universal health care for all Americans. And getting corporations to pay a fair tax amount. So, while as you can appreciate, we love believing in impossible things, peace in the Middle East is really just one unicorn too many for us. Do you know if he’s approached Bloomberg? I mean that guy could just buy Jordan and give everyone some more elbow room.”
The post Jared Offers Sanders Campaign His Peace Plan appeared first on The Mideast Beast.

Read on source website...

Author: TheMideastBeast.com

The Mideast Beast (TMB) is a political satire and comedy news site that produces spoof articles about or connected to the Middle East, only for comedic and entertainment purposes. We are your Middle Eastern equal opportunity offenders. We poke at anyone and anything that we can get our mucky little paws on. Whatever you read on TMB is totally fictitious and you should not take us seriously in any way, shape, or form. Clear? Are you sure? Good. Moving on… Our goal: We always want to make you laugh but we also want you to think about the issues we write about. After all, satire and comedy are elements of education. We also aim to shine a little light into this insane region. We believe that laughter, thought, and hopefully understanding, are legitimate tools in helping to reduce extremism. Our audience: Anyone interested in the Middle East, which pretty much means everyone these days. P.S.: Because TMB can be naughty at times, articles in The Mideast Beast are not intended for persons under the age of 17. Sorry kiddies.